The Beast Witihn Cries at Times

Educated...physically and mentally strong...nice and loving...stubborn...doing what's right...loathes when doing wrong...sensitive. Me in a nutshell. Mind boggles when analyzing my personality and why it clashes with a group of people within my family, yet if spending time together with no more than 2 or 3 of them at a time or individually, our persona's mesh fabulously.

Could it be me? Am I truly the odd one in the family. Instead of being the black sheep, am I the white? Does this mean that everyone perceives me as miss snotty goody two shoes?


Or am I a Beast who needs to cry?

Life's Expectations, Life's Misery?

Always forming hopes and creating goals, working hard expecting to come out above in various aspects of one's life.  Yet all you receive is, enslavement, abuse, belittlement or become discouraged when all doors close for you but open for everyone else who have not even attempted to prove themselves worthy of such opportunities.

My father used to tell me that I was close-minded and always managed to drown myself in a glass of water when trying to figure things out or make plans. I'm actually very open-minded, I just don't like breaking the rules!  Every time I bend them slightly, I panic, filled with rage and regret.  I expect the worse to avoid shock and disappointment when it happens.

Expectations create our forthcoming misery!

Baby Shower or Grown Up Party?

*I do not intend on hurting or belittling anyone by this blog post.  Please do not take it personally or as an offense. I apologize ahead of time if you feel insulted*

For as long as I can remember, Baby Showers occurred either on Saturday or Sunday early afternoon, usually after Mass.  I remember this tradition being practiced until about 2 years ago.  Suddenly, either I or someone I know will receive an invitation for this joyful event but the time on the invitation reads "7:00 PM" or "9:00 PM".  I'm sorry! You'll have to excuse me, but HUH?  When did it become "OK" for a Baby Shower to take place after Happy Hour?

Is this the new fad? Is this the new norm? Am I old fashioned? I ask because if I were to ever become pregnant and if someone threw me a baby shower, I would want it to be early enough so that I can get home at a reasonable time and rest due to my swollen ankles and excruciatingly painful back/hips.  I would like to be home by 7PM LATEST! But at that hour, most baby showers are just beginning!!! Pregnant women, I ask you: don't you appreciate being in bed early to rest because the hundred-pound baby inside is making you ache all over?  Or am I just postal for thinking this way?

Become pensive for a moment! A child's birthday party usually partakes in the early afternoon, correct? Well, isn't a Baby Shower technically your child's first Party? The items received are for the baby!  Even the breast pump, because it is what will allow the mother to dispense and distribute nourishment for her child. I'm right, right? I know I'm right!

But, regardless of my concerns/questions, this new practice seems like it will stick.  When it's my turn, though, I WILL have an EARLY Baby Shower and NOT a Grown Up Party!! You've been warned!

The Troubles of Monies

The Holidays approach, the excitement begins.  Beautiful materials convert us into "Gotta Have It" Ogre's! We put on our walking sneakers and most comfortable pair of jeans or sweats only to power-walk through the monstrosities holding  each necessity and desire, all while making them readily available to us ON SALE! If we aren't racing "before quantities run out", we are preparing a cup of coffee, hot chocolate, or maybe hot apple cider (it's currently very cold outside) in our pj's or extra comfy sweats just to browse the web and catch even more deals.  Hey, maybe we prepare our beverages and with our "Snuggie"placed correctly, plant ourselves in front of the television set to watch one of those shopping channels.

It isn't until after the credit card (deliciously evil piece of plastic) bill arrives that our eyes widen, throat gulps, heart sinks, and tears overflow at the sight of our horrendous mistake due to the inability to just say NO! To OURSELVES!  We ARE allowed to put ourselves in our place, but why is there the desire not to?  The outcome is extremely predictable and cannot honestly believe we have anyone else to blame but ourselves for being so irresponsible with our finances.

Career-less are we today! Jobless are we right now! Capital on our minds, but not in our hands, pockets, and especially not our bank accounts. So why put ourselves through the Troubles of Monies?

Am I a Hoarder?

I live in a huge mess.  Organized mess, but still massive.  I very much want to throw everything out and begin anew but I create sentimental value.  I have precise, clean, and orderly images in my mind of how I want this place to look; yet I fail to execute my task.  I begin by throwing everything on the 25 year old carpet, the full size bed that's been vacant for over a year, and on the dresser that needs some TLC.  "YES!" I exclaim as if accomplishing a major task: an empty closet.  Anger, then tears form and suddenly I'm sobbing as I see the mess I've made.  Flashbacks to my image of my perfect place as I sort through the mess and separate the bad, the possible donations, and definite keeps.  Reality kicks me in my shin and again I sob because the more I try to make sense of my mess, the more repulsive sight I create.  Am I a Hoarder?